Coffee Sayings

As a coffee lover, I've collected these coffee sayings.

The coffee prayer:
Caffeine is my shepherd; I shall not doze. It maketh me to wake in green
pastures: It leadeth me beyond the sleeping masses. It restoreth my buzz: It
leadeth me in the paths of consciousness for its name's sake. Yea, though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of addiction, I will fear no Equal: For thou
art with me; thy cream and thy sugar they comfort me. Thou preparest a carafe
before me in the presence of The Starbucks: Thou anointest my day with pep; my
mug runneth over. Surely richness and taste shall follow me all the days of my
life: and I will dwell in the House of Mocha forever. Amen




You know you are addicted to coffee if:
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
You don't sweat, you percolate.
You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you. Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.